Tipsy
by djpcjbs
Summary: Setting during Blame It On the Alcohol. Just a little one shot about Puck and Rachel. Mostly Puck. Enjoy.


"Blaine Warbler, I'm gonna rock your world," Rachel slurred happily. _She is so wasted._

_Fuck, even in that granny dress, Berry could still find a way to look hot, _I think, checking out her ass quickly while she bent over to Kurt's new boy toy.

This whole spin the bottle idea was the shit. Although I haven't kissed anyone yet. Why the fuck haven't I gotten a turn? I was distracted by that when there were cat calls.

_What the hell?_

I thought this dude was gay. Gay guys don't suck face with girls. Not like that. Not with Berry.

What if this dude wasn't swinging for the home team? What if he did this just to get girls trust? Do girls change in front of gay dudes? They totally do! This guy was a genius!

Is he doing this to Rachel? Has Rachel changed in front of him? Fuck. Now I have to pound this asshat's face in. Damn asshole, taking advantage of Rachel.

I looked at Finn, wanting him to man up because he was the only one with the right to. But of course the giant was just watching with a shit eating grin on his face. He's such a dumbass. Doesn't even give a shit about Berry.

_Why the fuck do you care?_ Care? I don't care. Who the hell said I cared? I'm just saying this dude's a creep and should get pummeled.

Like in three fucking seconds if he doesn't remove his lips from her's.

Fucker's lucky that Kurt pulled them apart or else his pretty face wouldn't be quite so pretty. Douchebag.

"You're face," Rachel whisper, "tastes awesome." She turned and laughed randomly to the rest of the group. "I think I just found a new duet partner!"

Fuck! No more spin the bottle? I looked around the circle, disappointed until I realized I didn't even want to make out with anyone here. Not even Lauren.

Actually, I was getting a little nauseous looking at her.

Ahhh but wait. _I know how to solve this._ I think, stealing her glasses. They blurred everything.

SCORE!

Everything was fuzzy and unrecognizable. Everything except Rachel's fucking bright green dress.

She's fucking everywhere.

Wanna know what else I could see? Her and Blaine humping on the fucking stage. What the hell is that? Is Berry like a horny drunk or something?

Damn.

Note to self: take advantage of that shit.

Not in a skeezy way though. That's just sick. Like Blaine. Fucking bastard.

Fuck, why is my head on Lauren's boob? How the hell did I get here? I tried pulling back but she held me there.

Fuck my life.

Damn catchy chorus. I couldn't help but sing along. Stupid Human League.

I heard Satan say something about wanting Rachel and that just totally turned around my night.

We partied for the next few hours, completely forgetting everything for awhile.

I woke up, my stomach hurting, my mouth dry, and my head pounding. I hadn't had this bad of a hangover since I was fourteen.

Fuck.

I looked around and realized I passed out on the stage. Raising my head, I looked around to see no one in the 'Oscar Room'.

I found phone in the washing machine, opening it to see that it was almost noon.

"Fuck," I cursed, slowly making my way up the stairs, each step sounding like a bomb. I walked into the Berry's living room, completely shutting my eyes from the light coming through the windows. I let them adjust before squinting around the room.

"Berry?" I call out, not getting a response. My voice sounded like shit so I made my way to the all white kitchen and got some water. After chugging like five glasses my headache was slightly gone and my mouth not as dry. My stomach still felt like shit but I could deal with that later.

Instead I went in search for a certain brunette, knowing she would be feeling like shit right about now. I've been drinking since I was thirteen and I felt like I wanted to die. She drank just as much as me and was a beginner. I'd hate to go through what she's about to.

I made my way to her overly pink room, knocking really quietly before opening the door, preparing for the worst.

"Oh, hello Noah!" There was Rachel fucking Berry, grinning at me, all showered and shit, dressed in yellow dress that hurt my eyes, hair in a neat ponytail and everything.

"You're not hungover?" I asked in disbelief, my voice still rough.

"Nope!" she smiled. "Of course, I did take some Tylenol and drank plenty of water just in case but so far I have been completely fine!" Too damn perky. I couldn't take it. So I ran to her bathroom and puked.

Makes sense right?

The whole time I was up chucking, all I could hear was, "shhh" and "it's alright" and blah blah blah. I wanted to hate her in that moment but how can you fucking hate a person who rubs your back while you puke?

You can't and that's why Rachel Berry fucking sucks.

_Too bad you still like her _a voice in the back of my mind thought bitterly. When I heard that my eyes went wide.

Where _the fuck_ did that come from? I look at myself in the mirror, thinking about how totally screwed I am.

"Noah, are you alright?" I look at her, shocked that she was still here. I forgot she was still in the room with me. I looked at her for moment before booking it out of there.

I make it down the stairs, through the living room, past the dining room, to the door, jumping into my truck before driving away.

**I'm not even completely sure where this came from. My hands just took over, like it was demanding to be written and this is where we are. It's a bit depressing, eh?**

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